Let it be

I'm house-sitting for the week at the 'cottage' of friends on the new A Rocha site. I thought I ought to at least try and befriend the new place. It has its work cut out though and my hard-won feeling of belonging is a little frayed and fragile.

It's fair to say I haven't had the best couple of days, so I think a change of scenery will do me good. Sometimes I feel very sad. Not anxious, not hopeless, just sad, like I'm grieving. And then it goes away. I'm not adept at knowing these things but I think I might be grieving the life I thought I would have, where I'm singularly cared for, and care for a family, and I'm learning to 'own' the life and purpose that I do have. That takes time and it's a winding road. I decided that as long as I'm not sad for most of the time I can get by, and I can let myself be sad now and again because evidently that's what needs to happen for a while. And it's an excuse to eat a lot of chocolate.

And it's at times like that, like this, when I'm more inclined to notice grace. Yesterday a friend I haven't seen in months called me just to see if I was free and so I visited her for the evening, had a restoring chat and watched a chick flick. Grace. And today I have the chance to get a change of scenery by staying in a different place in the countryside. Grace. I also just got two books I ordered from Amazon. I mentioned the Margaret Wheatley book below. I also got 'Leading From Within: poetry that sustains the courage to lead' by Sam Intrator, a book mentioned by Palmer. Poetry that sustains the courage full stop sounds good to me today, the courage to let grace in, the courage to keep befriending and belonging.

Lost

Stand Still. The trees ahead and bushes besides you

Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here,

And you must treat it as a powerful stranger,

Must ask permission to know it and be known.

The forest breathes. Listen. It answers,

I have made this place around you.

If you leave it, you may come back again, saying Here.

No two trees are the same to Raven.

No two branches are the same to Wren.

If what a tree or a bush does is lost on you,

You are surely lost. Stand still. The forest knows

Where you are. You must let it find you.

David Wagoner (quoted in 'Leading From Within')