Last Thursday evening at about 10.30pm I quite suddenly decided that I wanted to quit my job in the city, the one that involves the three-hour round trip commute. I didn't dislike the job but the thought of the commute two days a week, as it was scheduled for the new year, was already starting to give me that anxious feeling that I'm significantly better at identifying early than I used to be. I suppose I listen more and trust my instincts.
To be more accurate, I didn't decide that I wanted to quit, I realized that I already knew that I wanted to quit that job. It was like a little bubble of deep knowledge had come loose and floated to the top, bursting into my conscious mind. Of course, my conscious mind is still learning to trust little bubbles of knowledge and so I spent large portions of that evening and the next day hand-wringing and wondering if I could take the weight off my back foot without knowing where my front foot was going to land. In the end, I decided that I could. It's interesting to me how these realizations seem to come out of nowhere. Something must have jogged my brain into making that connection - I know I keep harping on about it but the massage therapy is not only healing my body but it's loosening up my brain, perhaps physically and certainly emotionally. I'm still have strange emotional moments at seemingly random times, but I'm also more willing to lean forward into this tension between sitting with new shoots and waiting to see what direction they grow in, and being willing to chop off unhealthy branches with a dramatic slice. I'm a muddle of six thousand metaphors, I know, but they all make sense to me.
My other job is sufficient to pay bills, so it's just the little things like food that I have to find a little spare cash for. I might be able to pick up a few extra tasks for a few extra bucks, and I may get a few royalties start to trickle in. In any case, these aren't things that concern me. Perhaps they should, but they don't. The way is also clearer to explore other possibilities. I've almost decided to apply for a place on a one-year online Certificate in Restorative Justice at a local university. This area, and the related concept of circles, has a lot of cross-over with the themes of the retreat I'm going on that I mentioned before. And that's about the extent of what I know.
One thing at a time.
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