Rights and privileges

I'm back into my studies now after my break-that-I-filled-with-genealogy. I am doing a directed study on the Holy Spirit, which was my own choice, stemming from the Imagination class I took last term, and my final project on touch (on which perhaps more later). It's going to be interesting. I'm quite the nerd with these studies, but I'm clinging to that as valid because I was having a crisis about launching into another graduate degree that is even less career orientated than the last one. It's constantly a question of validity, of legitimacy these days. I sit at home or in coffee shops and read books and certainly not for eight hours a day. When I hear my neighbours drive off to work at around 8, just as I'm getting up, or pull into their driveways around 5.30 I feel like a non-productive member of society, not to mention a bit of a hermit. I feel sometimes like my life is not legitimate. On the other hand, I think some people like to live vicariously through my reckless life choices and complete lack of responsibilities, so that's a public service I suppose. I'm not a big fan of summers because of the non-structured, temporary hiatus (and the fact there are very few new things to watch on tele). So things may get a little squirly for the next few months as I try and keep myself grounded. I'm sure studying the Holy Spirit intensely will not help in the slightest, except that it will give me some focus and one of my goals with this and all my classes is to integrate what I'm learning and how I'm learning into my life, art, conversation, prayers, etc. As someone who's goal-oriented, I have to remind myself of the...validity of the process. That's mostly where the legitimacy issue lies and where life meets study, as I don't think God is very goal-oriented, which means that life isn't either. Nor, I think, is God primarily interested in assessing the legitimacy of what time I get up in the morning or how many chapters I read. I'm pretty sure I just put that on myself.
Hey ho. We press on.
Well now I looked for a little Arvo Pärt to settle my soul and found this interview between Björk and Arvo Pärt that just captured me so completely that it brought a tear to my eye. I only wish it was longer...