In my ongoing quest to be calm and at peace and thence well and not with a thyroid on fire, I am doing fierce meditation. I got a few books at the library and this one stuck: Mindfulness by Mark Williams and Danny Penman. There's an introductory meditation in there to illustrate awareness where you're supposed to take about five minutes to eat a raisin, holding it, smelling it, turning it over, etc. My thought on doing this was that I would grow attached to the raisin and not want to eat it. I'm not sure what that says about me.
So I have a new routine. The book comes with audio tracks for guided meditation - only 4 minutes, at least the first week's one is 4 minutes - so I do that in the morning. The first time I did it my iTunes thing ended the track and decided to start playing 'Come Healing' by Leonard Cohen which was freakishly appropriate. Synchronicities.
For the evening I've been sampling a few different ones. I quite like this one, now that I've stopped giggling when (and how) she says 'buttocks'. Also, I don't know where half my internal organs are (spleen? pancreas? No idea) so I struggle to imagine them. Still, I find the idea of warm golden light helpful (and I imagine it's the Holy Spirit). And this one by the man Deepak is simple and hardly guided at all, but still peaceful and relaxing. Or I just listen to Arvo Part. I also mix in a spot of EFT tapping, lymphatic face massage and yoga just for good measure. Not at the same time though.
Here's a more personal note. I had been also feeling intense pressure in my chest, like it had a weight on it, and then talking to someone I said that getting a job would be 'a weight off my chest'. Rocket science tis not. So while meditating I mimed lifting a weight off my chest and handing it off to God. I literally moved my hands about while sitting meditating. And it really did help, actually. It's felt lighter since. I don't have a job yet, but it's a somewhat lighter burden. Rinse and repeat.
I am also at work on a painting that is Proper and not just a scribble. I don't know how it will turn out but I wanted a bigger project to work on and Fun is important for stress relief; also I function best when occupied with things (part-time work and job-hunting wasn't enough, nor fun). I'm also drinking herbal tea, reducing my caffeine (only TWO cups of tea a day at this point), drinking more water (i.e. more than none, which was what I was drinking), planning fun things, eating lots of good things (I can recommend this recipe for tofu and black bean burgers) and spending many evenings eating chips (good for my mental health at least) and watching the West Wing. (A propos quote: Josh: 'He's promoting his book called 'Own Yourself' which is the follow-up to his bestselling book...', Donna: 'Lease Yourself'?)
I've read enough Gabor Mate to know not to piss about with things of the auto-immune type variety arising from stress and while I am not wholly responsible for my body's condition, nor for my circumstances, I can certainly do my part. And so I am. It doesn't matter if the things that cause me stress cause others no worry at all. This I keep reminding myself.
Do you feel updated on my daily life? Lucky you.
2 comments:
Ooh, the link to those first meditations, his voice! It's like being read a bedtime story to by a lovely English man. With a pipe. And comforting grey hair. Very nice. I shall allow him to guide me through the fields of meditation.
It was fun looking at these links. I really like Nicole Cody as well, I too enjoyed that meditation.
Glad that you are taking the time for this kind of practice to help address health stuff. It's so important!!
I am feeling frustrated with myself because I had the flu for a fortnight and the last 2 days have been feeling much better. Last night I told myself I was going to get up and play with paint ... and then I didn't :( It's so hard to get there sometimes, and I don't consciously know why, when it's something that's so delightful. But anyway, I'm glad that if I'm not, someone else is.
What a combo, eh? Meditation and art. Heavenly
Yes, his accent was a surprise to me too. I like the way he says 'ground yerself' I'm on week 2 now, which is 15 minutes.
It's hard not to judge yourself for not doing creative things, as if it's just added to the list of jobs. I have some colouring pencils or pens beside my bed or sofa so I can play with colour without the faff of paint, sometimes. And that's why scribbling is important, because then it doesn't feel so epic.
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