Gusto

Some days I wonder who the hell I'm kidding, to think I can up academic sticks and just study something completely different at grad level. I already know a lot of things about linguistics, I have a PhD and I could even have had a career, and yet I ditched it to go back to university and take up theology. It's frustrating to be back at the stage where I don't know the literature, I don't know the terminology, I don't know how the ideas fit together and which journal is best for this or that topic. I don't know how many angels can dance on the head of a pin. I have a low degree of confidence that I'm any good at it - I don't mean to churn out papers, I can do that, but to be genuinely good at it.
And yet, I'm throwing myself into it with great gusto, hell for leather, you might say.
All I can say is that it feels like it matters, it seems very right, intuitive, and if I wasn't a recovering evangelical who doesn't often talk like this any more, I might almost say I feel called.