Good things

I went away last weekend to stay with some friends who live about an hour east of here, towards the mountains. It was like a retreat, and until I was looked after I didn't realize how tired I was of taking care of myself. It turns out it is tiring, and so basically I slept, ate and talked with them the whole time. It rained buckets the entire time. I would have gone out and walked in the rain but I was too busy sleeping and eating and talking. This was the view from my room:

 So instead of bracing hikes, there was lots of sitting and sleeping in front of this.

I'm trying to be more present here. I've been living with one foot here and one foot back in England. My family is there and there's been whisperings of job possibilities there this year, and these things make it difficult to be here. It's been nearly two years since I was back, which is the longest I've ever been away in all my travels, so that's not helping. (I'll be going back for Christmas.) But lately I've been making a concerted effort to be present here, in my life here, inviting people over, even just cooking proper food instead of 'temporary' sorts of food.

I don't know where my work life will take me after I finish studying (in 12-18 months) and frankly I thought when I came to Canada close to six years ago, that I would settle down, get married and have a family like a normal person. Turns out I'm not a normal person, which can have its benefits too, but these things make a person a bit more antsy and footloose, and it's too hard (and apparently tiring) to live unsettled and skipping over life like a stone. So I'm trying not to, as I have said. The fact I got so unexpectedly tired when I was cared for for a couple of days made me see how much work it is to live alone (both being single and dwelling alone), and that I need to be more attentive to that and seek out help and company when I need it. This requires being open and I think looking out for others' needs too.

I've been 'hearing' the past few days that I am already cared for. When I hear things from a variety of sources, I try to pay attention. There was this weekend away, and my friend there said she appreciated her upbringing for giving her the deep conviction that she would always have what she needed. Then my prof in class read some verses to us at the beginning of class this week and asked us to focus on the phrase 'Your Father knows what you need before you ask' (Matthew 6:8). Oh, ok then. There's a dear woman at my church who this Sunday, as every Sunday, comes up to me and asks me if I'd like a hug. I never refuse. And I read this in a reading this week for a class:

the end of your praying is ...not so much to move God - who is always more ready to give than you to ask - as to move yourselves, that you may be willing and ready to receive the good things God has prepared for you.
~ John Wesley