One side stone, one side fight

I have almost made it through another week. It's a bit like that at the moment. Today I was at all three jobs in one day, including the one an hour and twenty minutes away in Vancouver. I just lurch from day to day doing what needs to be done. I don't eat well unless it's at somebody else's house or out. I'm just about swimming.
I haven't had much time to stop and think about My Life In General, which may be just as well because I'm discovering once you start unpicking things, they unravel pretty quickly, especially if you're running around too much to notice the thread caught around your ankle. I am painfully slowly learning to be a tad more self-reflective, and rather than helping, it's just showing me all the things I don't understand. I know what I don't know whereas before I just bumbled along. Suddenly things are bubbling up all over the place and I'm trying to make the best of it and not get overwhelmed, but it does feel quite a bit like the end of this (which, by the way, scared the crap out of me as a child).

I absolutely don't want to become one of those people who obsesses over every little neurosis their whole life but I am at a somewhat pivotal moment since I'm out of the mission, out in the real world, living in a place for longer than I have before and finding it less easy to hide my real self from my 'community', and plus of An Age where I'm thinking about how I want my Real Life to look like and what I'm prepared to do to make it look that way. So I just think it would be kind of handy to understand my real motivations and real desires a bit better.

I get annoyed with myself for finding this kind of thing hard to grasp while at the same time being apparently quite transparent to others. I was with friends the other evening and did a shortened version of the enneagram test. First of all I got annoyed that one of the descriptors of my type was 'perfectionist'. I definitely don't consider myself a perfectionist in the sense of wanting everything done just so. But then I read on and discovered that resenting criticism is another of the traits of that type. It was like being stuck in a trap! I just got more grumpy which proved the type even more, and so on - gah! I actually think the type is probably fairly accurate. In fact on reflection I think really I resented the fact that a page on a website (or for that matter, any of my friends) could pinpoint my characteristics better than I could myself. I think also feeling like I'm Type X or Type Y or having people know me feels restrictive. But that's an example of one of the manic brooms that keeps dumping water in my brain without me being able to figure out why. Just add it to the list.